Sorry,I was having probs with my laptop before. I want to tell my story as briefly as I can. After 42 years I finally found a man who made me feel the way that i’d always dreamed of but after living together for one year he started to notice swelling in his ankle which progressed to his knee. One month later, he started to itch just a little a first but over weeks it was so bad he could not stand it. The GP said it was an allergy at first so we tried changing all perfumed products.Then he went back to the GP and was told it was scabies and I convinced myself he was having an affair in order to catch it. I researched many differant reasons why one could itch so bad and one of those was kidney problems so I pleaded with the GP to send mel for a scan which she did but we had to wait 4 weeks for it. He was so demented from the itch and kept saying it was as if it was in his blood, I thought he was having a breakdown! He couldn’t sleep or settle at all and was exhausted.I would sit up all night with him wiping him over with a damp flannel which seemed to help slightly. When he had his ultrasound scan he was told there was a problem with his left kidney and that he was being sent to hospital where, after other tests they diagnosed non hodgkins lymphoma follicular. The lymphoma was in his abdomen and had affected the kidney. Mortified!!! Rchop started followed by retuxan but 4 months later the itching started again. THe consultant said he wanted Mel to have high dose chemo followed by a auto stem cell transplant. I researched this and was terrified to say the least. H e was in hospital for 3 weeks following the sct and seemed to take it reasonably well compared to some. When he was discharged we were elated and started making plans for a holiday and places we were going to go and see. 3 weeks later,the itching started again. The consultant couldn’t believe it would be the lymphoma so soon but following a pet scan it was confirmed…it was back! This was not good news and we were told the only hope was radiotherapy because following a biopsy, the lymphoma had transformed. SO, off we go again for radiotherapy. 12 days of it. Mel felt quite tired and became weaker.When he finished his radiotherapy, it was brought to our attention that the kidney stent that they had inserted when he was first diagnosed, was overdue for changing so they admitted him and following that told him that the lymphoma had spread to his liver and no more could be done for him. He had a couple of months to live. Words fail me as to what you say to someone who you love who is in this situation and when your’e looking at them every day desperately wanting to save them and you cant. Mel was due for a consult with the dr two weeks later and was very tired and very weak but managed to get there. We discussed about him staying at home and Mcmillan coming in to help. We drove home and as soon as we got in the door, he suffered excruciating pain and had to go to bed. I called an ambulance. The following day he was gone.Forever. I just couldnt believe it! He had a perforated bowel. WHat happened to 'he will get weaker and weaker and more tired ’ thats what the dr said when he asked whatis going to happen to him. I wasnt told he was that ill when they took him in I thought he had some sort of infection…stupied me! and he’d get antibiotics and come home in a day or so. so I wasnt ready. I never said goodbye properly, with him in my arms . I just sat at his bedside holding his hand and then he was gone. I love him with all my heart and miss him painfully.Life will never be the same. I just dont know how to carry on with every day.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Words can’t describe how painful that must have been for you & Mel. I hope you can be comforted by those that understand on this site and remain supported. Take care & hugs

Hi Beverley,
We have chatted before, after Mel died having lost my mum. Hope that you are finding the necessary strength to get through the days. Christmas and new year must have been hard for you. It was a difficult time for me also. Thinking of you and sending best wishes. Nixi